Handbag and Other Presents 22.5.2007

Sorry for the long silence in the blogworld – but definitely it has not been silent in the actual world. After Jyri´s last exam, we put the high gear on. He is now driving to Hyrynsalmi, car packed with… who knows what! I have shoveled the books into boxes and should be carrying them to attic. Much harder than any workout. Yesterday we went to our first visit to Eno congregation, 35 km from Joensuu. As some of you may know, our work is supported by Finnish congregations, who channel the support through FELM, our mission agency in Helsinki. We have 5 congregations which is the normal number: Mellunkylä in Helsinki, Kuopio Cathedral, Nilsiä, Hyrynsalmi and Eno. We were welcomed so warmly last night, and came home with bags full of presents, pastries, cloudberries and so. I even got a new Marimekko handbag! I felt so spoiled, somehow even ashamed: we have done nothing to deserve this. And how did they know that I am almost obsessed with handbags and Marimekko. (For my friends in Iringa who know about this: Marimekko manufactures also handbags in olive green safari style! Guess who has one.)

It is known all over the Finland, that people in Carelia is so hospitable – it has become even a stereotype in people´s minds, but it is true! Similar hospitality we have enjoyed in all of our congregations, and it always takes me by surprise. I try to think this is not me or us personally, it is for the work, for Africa, for all this, the larger picture. I feel humble, grateful – I really do, I don´t say this to sound spiritually correct. Thank you so much.

I have had really heavy heart about Pihla. She suddenly turned strongly against our moving to Tanzania. She was okay with it, even eager – and some weeks or couple of months ago she told us this is not a good thing. It has been like a dark cloud hanging there and it has made all the preparations so much harder. Kaisli is returning to Tanzania in her very straightforward style, but Pihla is not. It came to me so strongly yesterday, when I was doing the packing and emptying the bookshelf, and was wondering what she would say when she returns from school and everyhing looks so empty. But to my big surprise: nothing bad happened, no protest, no crying – and instead of that, she became rather impatient and declared that I too want to pack up my toys and books, can we do it now, mom? Also she started having daydreams about going shopping in Iringa (!), going to those little duka´s which are a perfect opposite to every shopping center in Finland… Everything suddenly looked different to her, and I felt like a heavy burden was taken away – all is going to be fine, we survive this moving, we will be happy in Africa again, we don´t need to worry.

Blue barrels (3.5.2007)

I had to take a couple of weeks off from work to start packing up the home. I have finished two barrels by now (120 liters each), it is quite amazing how quickly they are full even if we are as selective as possible. I have quite a clear picture of what we need and what we don´t need out there in Africa, so I don´t have to waste energy of thinking of that – but physically it is really exhausting. I have been running from the basement to the first and second floors and back countless of times, pulled and pushed heavy luggage here and there, broken my nails and get covered by dust – now I just had to put stop to that and shovel things out of sight and decide to continue some other day. I want our home to look like a normal house as long as possible - seeing those blue barrels is an unavoidable reminder about what will soon happen. We have two large wooden boxes and as many as 13 barrels of three different sizes, but I don´t think we need all of them this time. They have served us faithfully and followed as to Tanzania, back to Finland and now they are on duty again. They get more and more battered each time, have an old address covered by paint and new one written once again. No wonder they look rather pitiful by now. They don´t complain, even if they are then forgotten in some attic or cellar for many years before they are needed again.

Jyri has one more exam left for this spring and that keeps him occupied while I am doing all this. Kaisli had her 12th birthday party yesterday, she invited some friends for home-made pizza and cake and then Jyri drove them to movies to see how Mr Bean manages his holiday. Pihla will have her 8th birthday next week, which means another party, this time for about 10 little girls. Kaisli has promised to organize some activities and plays which she is very good at. June is a really busy month in terms of birthdays: my sister, brother, nephew, goddaughter and myself all have our birthdays in June, as well as my parents anniversary – and five of them within four days!

In Search of Happiness (2.5.2007)

Youth is often envied. But the truth is that when you are young and growing, it mostly means clumsiness, akwardness and being more or less lost all the time. The only reason to envy youth is maybe the ability of enjoying experiences fully, with so little effort and little resources.

We went to spa one day for a swim and sauna. It was quite nice there, an illusion of tropics was almost real, lots of jacuzzis, full sauna world, couple of restaurants. I paid attention to some middle aged and elderly people there: how thoroughly fed up they seemed to be in contrast to the joy and excitement children showed. What a pity: thye were people who seemed to have more money than they needed (can afford a 100€ bottle of champaign any time, dine at finest restaurants, take a whole week of golfing) – but nothing really feels anything. Peope are in search of feelings, happiness, excitement – but never quite get there. And on the other hand: all the happiness can be found when you don´t expect it: back in Hyrynsalmi, we took some firewood, coffee and doughnuts, went to forest, made a fire and had nice little picnic there with so little effort – how excited girls were. Money can not buy that. That´s the trap we put ourselves in: in search of happiness, we develop an illusion it can be gained by money but it can not.

I don´t despise money, though. I like to be able to live without worrying every cent I spend. I also notice that the older I get, money gets a bigger role in my life and that I am not pleased with. I don´t want to live my life and search for happiness with a calculator at hand.

Some religion-salesmen sell their product by promising happiness to the believers – easy and trouble-free life, certainty and definite answers, and so on. I would not buy that. I rather stay in silence and wonder before God than ask anything - nor prepare any answers - this is because God has become a mystery rather than an open book to read, and some of the problems I have had in my life seem to be generated by faith, not solved by it! To me, the essence of faith is not what it gives to me – I don´t want to love gifts more than I love the Giver. Faith is rather a sword that pierces my heart – that is the shadow of faith. I have also mentioned how faith can also be seen as a space rather than e.g. a list of “do´s” and “don´t do´s”- what could be more wrong than that?! The trust and happiness that I, after all, find from the depths of my heart, grow from the convinction, that “eternal life… means a new quality of life, which is begun now and will be consummated in the future, which nothing – not even death – can destroy. Eternal life is about entering into a new quality of life here and now, in the full assurance that this new life will develop and grow.” (Alister McGrath; The Unknown God. Searching for Spiritual fulfilment, pg 108)